Growing Pains

This week I had a little growth spurt and it was painful.  Questions popped in and out of my head continuously and left room for little else, my stomach felt tight and clenched and not in a good way, I thought, and assessed, and visited my family's future and really took a good hard look at what I want in life.  And especially what I want for these three little beings that are depending on me to point them in the right direction.  They are counting on me to provide love, security, healthy food, and a home that is a sanctuary away from it all.  My children are looking to me as there first example of a woman.  My little girl looks to me to see what she will become and I can see it in her eyes.  I can see that little twinkle when I am putting on my makeup and she grabs my brush and says "like this mommy?" as she paints her face.  My precious boys are looking at me and forming a picture in their heads of what they will hope for ( or not hope for) in a wife or girlfriend someday.  This motherhood job- IT COUNTS.  More than we realize sometimes.  This little quote I found on another blog last night brought me to tears...
"My mother didn’t specialize in home decor or gourmet cooking, and she didn’t lift weights or run marathons. But she makes me feel like I am the most important, wonderful person ever born. If I could pick any mother in the whole world, it would be my mom."
I thought, wow, to make another human being feel so loved.  Now that  is an accomplishment.  And with that feeling of love and security, that child will do amazing things.
I feel like there is only so much time in life.  We have to pick and choose what is most important to us.  My time, my energy, my physical capabilities are limited resources, that I now realize I have to protect with everything I have and share carefully.  So, I have been asking myself- what is important to me?  What do I devote my life to?  The first thought that always pops up is the health and well-being of my children.  I will take the time to plan and prepare nutritious meals, I will take the time to read to them, and snuggle them every night.  I will treasure the relationship I have with their Daddy.  I will take the time to care for myself, so that I can be as present with my kids as possible... eating well, exercising, and resting (resting is so good, and I don't feel like we allow ourselves to do it enough).  I want to take time with my close friends and family and let them know how important they are to me.  And I want a career where I can help others.  Everything else is just a bonus!
I want to always strive for a life of simplicity and gratitude.

Don't Know What You Got 'Till It's Gone

I almost lost this neglected little blog tonight.  And why should I care?  I haven't even visited her since January.  But, the 45 minutes that I thought it was all over left a pit in my stomach and made me unable to engage the outside world, including my children, for that entire period of time.  It was like I was trapped in a blog-less-cyber-bubble where time stood still.  It was horrible.  And so here is my attempt at redemption.  Random pictures that I never posted, events I never wrote about, people I haven't mentioned in forever, but should.

  This first pic, I present my lovely Aunt, my Mom, and myself.  I love my Aunt SO much and so wish they were closer.

My favorite tree.  Right in our front yard.  It makes the house.  We are currently just renting and I can't wait to have our own place again, but gorgeous tree, I will miss you.

A snap shot of a favorite vacation at Disneyland.  We spent 3 days and it was not enough.  Next time, a week I say!

And then to La Jolla Shores, our favorite beach spot.  Private, beautiful, sentimental.

One of the many hikes we are fortunate to do every year with my Mom and Randy.  A blessing.

Our birdie takes flight!

Love the Hub's intensity in this one...

Little loves at Easter.  Such a funny picture.

Yours truly through my children's eyes.

Summer In a Day

 Well, these aren't the prettiest and they definitely do not convey the warm beautiful day that it was, but we were able to make a quick escape to the Valley for a warm up.  I am just getting back into this blogging thing and trying to do it from an iPhone, with which I am sadly very challenged.

We jumped and jumped and jumped.  We bumped boats, golfed, and raced go-carts all with our faces pointed toward the glorious sun.  Soaking up every second, every ray, every ounce of that bright light.

 It's really hard to convey how much warm air is appreciated when you have either been stuck indoors or braving sub-freezing temperatures.  It's like you just can't get enough.  And I truly did not want to leave, but I'll take what I can get!

My favorite girl in this world and her "baby".  A flower she found on the ground, snuggled it up, and called it hers.  Funny, how girls have a mothering instinct about them right from the get go.  She cradled her baby flower through the green grassy lawns, in and out of stores, and out to lunch.  I sometimes find shriveled up "babies' in my purse or pants pocket at the end of a day.  She usually at some point will ask me to hold them for her and "be careful and make sure the boys don't get them".  And I, being Grandma, always oblige.

I Really...

I really want to pick this blogging gig back up again.  It's important.  I have loved going back and reading old posts, looking at old pictures, more than I realized I would.  It's amazing to look back and see how quickly life changes, yet in the moment it feels like time is sometimes moving so slow it's at a stand still.  I think since I'm not a scrapbooker, photo-album-maker, take tons of pictures type mom, I had better maybe try to at least do this.  I think I might regret it if I don't.  Plus, I think how fun for the kids, when they are grown, to come home and go through old blog books, laughing at all of the silly phases we made our way through.
As I was skimming over my last couple posts, I was reminded how life has a way of working itself out.  Not long ago, I was torn as to what to do with my little middle bird.  I want him to be free, be himself, flourish, and be happy.  Desperately.  At the time I thought another year of kindergarten.  What's the rush?  Let him take his time.  We made the difficult decision to pull him out and homeschool him for a year.  It's been...ok.  He misses his friends.  And it's not easy having a mom for a teacher.  But, we are working so super hard trying to keep him up to speed, so that he won't have to repeat and will be able to jump right back in with his buddies in 2nd grade next year.  It's a lot, but I feel like it's the best decision we have been able to come up with.  And here we are already half way through the school year.  We are doing this!
Usually, I am not a fan of New Year's Resolutions, but this year I felt inspired to give it a whirl. 
1)  Prepare nutritious meals for my family consistently.  Plan ahead.  Be thoughtful of these growing bodies in my care.
2)  Self-care.  Get enough sleep.  Eat well myself, not just feed the kids well while giving myself a cracker for lunch.
3)  Love more.
Happy 2013!