Growing Pains

This week I had a little growth spurt and it was painful.  Questions popped in and out of my head continuously and left room for little else, my stomach felt tight and clenched and not in a good way, I thought, and assessed, and visited my family's future and really took a good hard look at what I want in life.  And especially what I want for these three little beings that are depending on me to point them in the right direction.  They are counting on me to provide love, security, healthy food, and a home that is a sanctuary away from it all.  My children are looking to me as there first example of a woman.  My little girl looks to me to see what she will become and I can see it in her eyes.  I can see that little twinkle when I am putting on my makeup and she grabs my brush and says "like this mommy?" as she paints her face.  My precious boys are looking at me and forming a picture in their heads of what they will hope for ( or not hope for) in a wife or girlfriend someday.  This motherhood job- IT COUNTS.  More than we realize sometimes.  This little quote I found on another blog last night brought me to tears...
"My mother didn’t specialize in home decor or gourmet cooking, and she didn’t lift weights or run marathons. But she makes me feel like I am the most important, wonderful person ever born. If I could pick any mother in the whole world, it would be my mom."
I thought, wow, to make another human being feel so loved.  Now that  is an accomplishment.  And with that feeling of love and security, that child will do amazing things.
I feel like there is only so much time in life.  We have to pick and choose what is most important to us.  My time, my energy, my physical capabilities are limited resources, that I now realize I have to protect with everything I have and share carefully.  So, I have been asking myself- what is important to me?  What do I devote my life to?  The first thought that always pops up is the health and well-being of my children.  I will take the time to plan and prepare nutritious meals, I will take the time to read to them, and snuggle them every night.  I will treasure the relationship I have with their Daddy.  I will take the time to care for myself, so that I can be as present with my kids as possible... eating well, exercising, and resting (resting is so good, and I don't feel like we allow ourselves to do it enough).  I want to take time with my close friends and family and let them know how important they are to me.  And I want a career where I can help others.  Everything else is just a bonus!
I want to always strive for a life of simplicity and gratitude.

Don't Know What You Got 'Till It's Gone

I almost lost this neglected little blog tonight.  And why should I care?  I haven't even visited her since January.  But, the 45 minutes that I thought it was all over left a pit in my stomach and made me unable to engage the outside world, including my children, for that entire period of time.  It was like I was trapped in a blog-less-cyber-bubble where time stood still.  It was horrible.  And so here is my attempt at redemption.  Random pictures that I never posted, events I never wrote about, people I haven't mentioned in forever, but should.

  This first pic, I present my lovely Aunt, my Mom, and myself.  I love my Aunt SO much and so wish they were closer.

My favorite tree.  Right in our front yard.  It makes the house.  We are currently just renting and I can't wait to have our own place again, but gorgeous tree, I will miss you.

A snap shot of a favorite vacation at Disneyland.  We spent 3 days and it was not enough.  Next time, a week I say!

And then to La Jolla Shores, our favorite beach spot.  Private, beautiful, sentimental.

One of the many hikes we are fortunate to do every year with my Mom and Randy.  A blessing.

Our birdie takes flight!

Love the Hub's intensity in this one...

Little loves at Easter.  Such a funny picture.

Yours truly through my children's eyes.

Summer In a Day

 Well, these aren't the prettiest and they definitely do not convey the warm beautiful day that it was, but we were able to make a quick escape to the Valley for a warm up.  I am just getting back into this blogging thing and trying to do it from an iPhone, with which I am sadly very challenged.

We jumped and jumped and jumped.  We bumped boats, golfed, and raced go-carts all with our faces pointed toward the glorious sun.  Soaking up every second, every ray, every ounce of that bright light.

 It's really hard to convey how much warm air is appreciated when you have either been stuck indoors or braving sub-freezing temperatures.  It's like you just can't get enough.  And I truly did not want to leave, but I'll take what I can get!

My favorite girl in this world and her "baby".  A flower she found on the ground, snuggled it up, and called it hers.  Funny, how girls have a mothering instinct about them right from the get go.  She cradled her baby flower through the green grassy lawns, in and out of stores, and out to lunch.  I sometimes find shriveled up "babies' in my purse or pants pocket at the end of a day.  She usually at some point will ask me to hold them for her and "be careful and make sure the boys don't get them".  And I, being Grandma, always oblige.

I Really...

I really want to pick this blogging gig back up again.  It's important.  I have loved going back and reading old posts, looking at old pictures, more than I realized I would.  It's amazing to look back and see how quickly life changes, yet in the moment it feels like time is sometimes moving so slow it's at a stand still.  I think since I'm not a scrapbooker, photo-album-maker, take tons of pictures type mom, I had better maybe try to at least do this.  I think I might regret it if I don't.  Plus, I think how fun for the kids, when they are grown, to come home and go through old blog books, laughing at all of the silly phases we made our way through.
As I was skimming over my last couple posts, I was reminded how life has a way of working itself out.  Not long ago, I was torn as to what to do with my little middle bird.  I want him to be free, be himself, flourish, and be happy.  Desperately.  At the time I thought another year of kindergarten.  What's the rush?  Let him take his time.  We made the difficult decision to pull him out and homeschool him for a year.  It's been...ok.  He misses his friends.  And it's not easy having a mom for a teacher.  But, we are working so super hard trying to keep him up to speed, so that he won't have to repeat and will be able to jump right back in with his buddies in 2nd grade next year.  It's a lot, but I feel like it's the best decision we have been able to come up with.  And here we are already half way through the school year.  We are doing this!
Usually, I am not a fan of New Year's Resolutions, but this year I felt inspired to give it a whirl. 
1)  Prepare nutritious meals for my family consistently.  Plan ahead.  Be thoughtful of these growing bodies in my care.
2)  Self-care.  Get enough sleep.  Eat well myself, not just feed the kids well while giving myself a cracker for lunch.
3)  Love more.
Happy 2013!

Back

My lack of posting does not mean to imply I don't love this little blog.  Life has been getting in the way.  To recap the last nearly half a year:
I now have a 3, 6 and 9 year old!  When Aviana was born, I remember thinking 3, 6 and 9- that's going to be a good year and it really is!  I think this may be may favorite year yet.  My birdies are old enough to do some really fun stuff, but not too old to do it without ME!
I started a Masters in Professional Counseling program.  It's been awesome.  I was a little intimidated about going back to school, but it's been easier and much more exciting than I imagined school could ever be.  I suppose this is due to the fact I am not being forced to take accounting, philosophy, statistics or any other lovely undergrad course.  I am getting to study what I love and that's people.
We are thinking of having our middle bird (the one who probably wishes he really were a bird) repeat kindergarten.  It's been a really tough decision.  I've done a lot of research and I feel like another year of kindergarten or maybe home-school may be our best bet.  My worst fear is that he would be forced to fit into some average American kid mold and the real little man we all love so much would be stifled.  I don't want him to change one bit.  I want them to change.
Randomness:
Today's weather is absolutely breathtaking.  I spend way too much time on Facebook.  Dylan starts tennis next week.  I need to be more true to my core.  I can't wait for summer.  I can't wait for monsoon season.  I can't wait to buy our home.  I love how hard the Hub works for us.  I am truly lazy compared to him, but he never says a word about it.  I am so grateful for this life.  I need to appreciate each day more and make it more meaningful.  The years are slipping away so fast.  My doctor just informed me a huge hormonal shift is normal at 35- fabulous.  I had eyelid surgery last month- hope I don't regret it.  Don't think I will.
Birdies, I love you more than I know how to describe and more than it appears some days.  I need to be more present, more fun and more appreciative of every moment I have you three with me.  As I said, these years are slipping away so fast.

Best Snowman Ever

And a complete original designed by the two oldest men in the bunch.  I think it's pretty brag-worthy ;)

Lately...

Life has been little hectic.  See how we're still smiling?  Well don't be fooled.  It's been a little bumpy heading into winter here.  My dear Hub became sick.  I mean the sickest I have ever seen.  He was in the ER overnight and stayed 4 days in a hotel, so he wouldn't infect us.  So sweet.  Well, we thought he was better, but whatever it was seemed to drag on and on and on.  I started to worry and I am not a worrier.  But, his symptoms were so strange and long lasting.  It wasn't looking good.  Well as soon as he was about to head in for further blood work and xrays, the sickness was gone.  It was over a month of weight loss, sweats, pale skin and then BAM he was well!  Needless to say, I am so grateful that whatever this was, was a horrible bug and is gone.
My Birdies have had a very healthy winter (of course, knock on wood).  I think I credit this to raw milk, but it could just be the luck of the draw.  While Hub has been fighting for his life and working his tail off simultaneously, the rest of us have been busy with basketball, art, legos and impromptu dance parties.  Which I will post a million pictures of next!  Stay tuned.

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.

~Buddha

The Last Days...

 The Fall has taken us by surprise and given just one more weekend of Summer this year.  We didn't take it for granted for one second!  Just weeks before we were covered in a cozy blanket of snow and ice, our fireplace blazing... my hair smelling of ashes all day.

When the temps started to soar down south, we jumped out of the mountains and landed in a new found swimming hole.

We were excited just to have the hot sun baking our backs, but soon we saw this place had a lot more...

Yep, a boogie board.  You don't find that around these parts much.  Just lying there on the rocks.  We dunked it in to the icy snow melt and went for it!

Sometimes certain pictures capture this feeling that I have, that I really am so fortunate.  There is truly not a day that goes by that I don't remind myself of this.  Just two short years ago, I was facing one of the most challenging and stressful times I have ever faced.  I felt as though my entire life was on the rocks.  I know it wasn't and people face FAR worse circumstances then I'm sure I could even imagine.  But, it jolted me.  And I definitely needed a good jolting.  I needed gratitude and not just when things were awesome and not for all of the "things" we had, but for the smallest things.  Things I wouldn't have counted then.

I think this might be one of my favorite pictures of my little Sory.  So pensive.  I love this guy.  I feel like I'm finally starting to see who he is.  A thinker, an artist, intensely caring and creative.  A bundle of unconditional love.

Another amazing find on our journey was this rope swing.  The boys went crazy.  Especially this one.  Screaming at the rope "come to PAPA!!".  Had us in stitches.

Grandma and Grandpa were the launchers.  Daddy played catcher.

It was SO icy cold.

And so beautiful.

And so crazysillyexciting!

Our little pixie hopped along the edge and let her toes in.

This will probably be the last swimming hole day for a while, but plenty more adventures are in the forecast.  When the snow and ice returns, we will always be grateful for our little getaways down the hill, for Grandparents who always know just where to take us, for Daddies who find the best treasures and for Mamas who sit quietly and breathe it all in.

It's the Little Things

Awhile back on good ol' Facebook, someone had posted random little things that tickled them.  I thought it was such a clever idea.  It's so easy to pick out our annoyances (good ol' Facebook), but what about those little things that when they go just right they make life a little smilier?
Ok, here goes:
Before I go any further, let me just say my dear Sister-in-law had like a hundred things written.  I'm not about to compete with that!  Since I'm a beginner and all, I think 20 is a decent goal.
Ok, here goes:
1.  The quietness of my house when the little boys are off to school and my little miss is taking a long nap... ahhhhhhhh- it's so quiet I can hear the fridge humming.  Heavenly.
2.  Fun catalogs in the mail.
3.  Playdates that go really smoothly.
4.  Watching older siblings take care of little ones.
5.  Seeing the fridge full of food after just grocery shopping and sampling just a little of everything.
6.  When my mom brings homemade salsa.
7.  Freshly washed sheets.
8.  Freshly washed anything really.  Oh, especially a fresh washed car.  They always run better when they are clean, right?
9.  That point when all my nails are the same length, before they get super long and break.
10.  A good run.  The kind that makes you feel energized like you could go forever.
11.  Meeting a new friend and feeling inspired.
12.  Feeling really organized after paying bills, folding laundry, mopping the floor- you get the idea.
13.  Getting to see family and friends that live far away.
14.  When my kids kiss me on the lips and I can smell their sweetness.
15.  When I wasn't even expecting it to rain and it does anyway- especially if there's a little thunder mixed in.
16.  When I hear an old song that brings back great memories... "everybody wants to rule the world..."- he he ;)
17.  A great conversation.
18.  Feeling comfortable in your own skin.
19.  The way my skin feels after a really good scrub.
20.  Watching Grandmas and Grandpas love my kids- nothing better.

Wow, that was easier than I thought.  I guess that means I get to advance to stage two.  Maybe 30 next time.  Off to pick my crew.  Goodbye quietness.  Have a lovely weekend!

Sign of the Times

I think this sums it right up.  And what a difficult lesson.  I think we all know this and have all had it drilled into our heads by parents or grandparents.  How to resist living beyond our means?  How to resist  temptation and pressure, surrounding us constantly?  Paying straight up cash for everything is one way.  I tell ya, it's a lot harder to buy that cute top or purchase a new car when you've got to plunk down your hard earned dollars for it.   Always easier swiping the card or borrowing someone else's money.  This has certainly been a work in progress for the Madskaggs.  I wonder if it will ever get easier.  Will it ever just become second nature to not desire anything more?  Living where we do helps. There isn't a lot of pressure to have material things.  It's very casual, laid back, our friends are all very down to earth and couldn't care less about the haves and have nots.  We are very fortunate that the best things in our part of the world are definitely free.  The beautiful outdoors is always beckoning, awesome family just down the hill.  Still, there's always that little nudge saying "Oh, if we could only live there".  Not saying I'm not happy right where I've been planted- I AM and always so grateful.  While living within your means can be difficult, living below them can be even harder to swallow.  But, for us I believe it is necessary. Going into this new school year, I am determined to make this my goal.  Goal I said.  I've got my work cut out for me!  I think we need to start by holding each other accountable.  See who can spend the least.  Not including food (although excessive eating out is a no no in my book).  I refuse to skimp on good food for my family, though I do try to buy what's on sale and in season.  I'm talkin' 'bout all the other toys, gizmos and gadgets that just pile up and create clutter in my life.  And don't get me started on clothes.  Really how many of our clothes do we actually wear?  I think I wear about a quarter of my closet right now... possibly less.  I just got rid of two trash bags full, but as I type this I am thinking I need to do another sweep.  Hmmm... I shall keep you posted.

Imogene Pass

Aside from the birth of my Birdies, the Imogene Pass Run proved to be one of the most difficult yet exhilarating experiences of my entire life.  For the last 6 months we trained for this moment.  And like labor and delivery, in the moment you swear never again, but as soon as it is all over that is quickly replaced with "I can't wait to do that again!".  The Imogene Pass run is a 17.1 mile mountain race from Ouray, CO over the 13,114 ft. Imogene Pass into Telluride, CO.  It is breathtaking and unforgiving.  With all of the training involved, I still at moments felt unprepared and scared that I really might not be able to do this.  For me, half of it was the physical challenge, the other half mental... repeating to myself, I can! I will! My ancestors had to do this kind of thing barefoot! GO! GO! One foot in front of the other!  Keep MOVING!

A good portion of the trail ran along a beautiful little stream, which we crossed several times.

Above tree line and prepping for the final push.  We have about 2 miles to go to reach the summit.  In one more mile I began pushing my lips together and blinking back tears.  I could hear the summit in the distance and I just wanted to make it there so bad, but the elevation made it grueling.

And I DID!!  So happy in this moment... the summit is here!  Freezing temps and 40 mile/hour winds forced me to not want to hang out too long.  Now only 7 miles down to Telluride.  The next couple miles were so steep and rocky I felt I had to inch my way down, but after that I took off.  I was ready to be finished.  I decided I would not stop running until I was done.

We survived!!!  SO happy to be done.  It felt like such a huge accomplishment.  I am so glad I did this and can't wait to try to improve my time next year.  Plus, having an awesome group of ladies to train with really made the whole experience. Until next year- Goodbye Telluride! 

Sunshine Days

For a summer that seemed to drag on and on, this post plans to be quite short and to the point, aside from the many pictures I decided to cram all together, I am keeping my words quick!  At the end of the school year, we left for the steamy, sticky, mosquito-y, but oh so much fun Midwest.  We hadn't seen our dear Gramma Bonnie and Grampa Bob in almost a year, so it was high time.  I always say it the ultimate grandparent's house- chalked full of toys, cookies, ice cream and candy dishes right at eye level.  There was even a big pool this year Grampa Bob had rigged up in the back yard which proved to be a huge hit and provided the only outdoor excitement with the relentless heat wave.

The boys splashed, dove, pushed and shoved their way around that little pool for hours...

One of the biggest summer achievements was Soren learning to ride a two wheeler!!  

He was very proud.

I forced this upon my in-laws. But don't they look sweet together?  I wish I knew the exact amount of years they've been married, but I want to say it in the ballpark of 50!  

My sweet Angel.

Two Sweet Angels after a long day at the pool.

This one is apparently getting too old for pictures.  I had to pull the Mama sneak attack.

Three cuties in a row.

Three chocolate covered cuties in a row.

Normal, IL is home to an awesome children's museum.  I know just the name of the town makes it sound not very exciting.  Trust me, when the pool needs a break this is the perfect escape.

Mr. Sory

 Yes we do pose for a picture of ourselves every great once in awhile.

Big D trapped!  This was such a fun netted climbing thing.  If someone could fit this in their house, I bet they could find a million uses for it.

Masterpiece Art

The Family- Michael's sister, niece, nephew and parents.

Goodbye Gramma and Grampa!  We had so much fun!  Can't wait to see you again!!

Grandpa Bill arrived the next week from Louisiana.  He brought the kids tennis clothes, raquets and taught them a few tricks of the trade.  We taught Grandpa Bill what Wild Westerners do for fun, like hanging out on top of 12, 000 ft. mountains.

And enjoying the simple things in life like a good old fashioned 4th of July parade.  It's Grandpa Bill's very favorite.

See the twinkle in his eye.  He's in heaven here.

No summer is complete without more swimming.  We spent many a day seeking refuge at the good ol' pool.

Seriously mom? Another picture?

Happy Birthday to my Dear Girl Sooz.  I love you always.

The gang!  Amy to my left has since moved to Hawaii.  And I just remembered I still haven't talked to her, just played a ton of phone tag.  Amy we miss you!

Summer in the mountains and Mama training for an impending killer race means LOTS of hiking.  Lucky for me my Birdies love the wilds.

As does Papa Bird.

In the wilds you can throw rocks, sword fight, shoot things, get muddy- it's limitless.

And yes, Princesses CAN wear hiking boots!

Summer has come to an end.  And I am so excited for this school year.  I LOVE the kids teachers.  They are so happy.  It's amazing how having both kids at one school now really makes my life seem like a cake walk.  One in kindergarten, the other- a big bad 3rd grader.  And my baby girl at home.  These are good years.

He took right to it the first day.  Soon as he found out toys were involved and lots of cool new friends, he was all over it!  

I love you little Birdies so much!  Hope you had a beautiful summer.  Hope this year we build lots  and lots of wonderful new memories together.